You're a womanizer and a bitch.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
