My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
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