Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
