i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Randomize
