Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
