Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
