I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
