omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize