my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
