I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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