chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
