we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
