Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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