Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
