She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
