At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Randomize
