dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
