Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
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