he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
