its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
