I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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