I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
