The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
