i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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