why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
