Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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