when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
