so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Boobs speak an international language.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
