Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
