I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
