The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
