Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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