Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
So many bounce houses so little time
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
