was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
