mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
