Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize