If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
