wanna go halves on a baby?
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
