physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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