i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Randomize
