I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
