just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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