His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
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