please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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