I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
