And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize
