i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
