Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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