I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
a search helicopter?!
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Randomize
