The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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