Say something about gay babies.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
