Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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