hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
