Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
Randomize