so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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