seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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