Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
