The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Randomize
