so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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