Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
