the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
