my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Banned from zoo.
Again?
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
