She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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