How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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