You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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