the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
