Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
