I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
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