I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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