Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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