how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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