my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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